Friends with Benefits

I know what you’re probably thinking and to answer your question, I’m not talking about those kind of benefits. I’m referring to the ones that add value to your life. How many of us can truly say that we have real friends who add value to our lives? I’m guessing not too many of us. The way I measure if someone is my true friend is not only someone who is trustworthy, positive, dependable and honest, but also someone who I can learn from and grow. Many people walk around imagining that the very people they associate themselves with on occasion are their true friends, but the truth is, they may be either acquaintances or casual friends. Some people confuse actual friends with acquaintances or casual friends all of the time.

There are actually four different types of friendships: acquaintance, casual, close and intimate. An acquaintance is someone you barely know, and is not a close friend. For example: you go out every weekend partying or to a social event, and you see people you know of and may interact with in passing by. They are just people that you may bump into from time to time. A casual friendship is one where you intentionally plan to spend time with, but the interactions may vary per occasion. These are the type of friends you hang out with at similar places you may have met them at such as: work, social events, or parties. You probably wouldn’t confide in them with personal information, just small talk.

The third type of friendship is a close friendship. This friendship is closer than causal because you make intentional plans to hangout regularly. A close friend may help you out in your time of need, they’re dependable, trust worthy, you can celebrate the good times with them and you can confide in them with personal information. The last type of friendship is an intimate friendship. This is the deepest friendship of them all. They are normally ones you call your “best friends”; the ones who know you like the back of their hand.The intimate friend is one who holds you accountable and provides insight for personal growth. Often it may be hard to listen to their constructive criticism, but you aren’t easily insulted because you know they are coming from a good place and you value their opinion. This kind of friendship is the most valuable because not only does it withstand the test of time: the good, bad and ugly, but this friendship is one that has been developing for years.

Figure out which type of friendships you have in your life. Its okay to have all four of these, but please don’t be confused with what they truly are! Someone once told me that in order to measure someone’s friendship think about whether they make time for you, decide if they put the same amount of effort into the friendship as you, consider if they are true to their word, and also determine if they have other motives for becoming your friend. Remember, “friendship is always a sweet responsibility not an opportunity.” -Khalil Gibran