For the longest time, I thought both of these pretty much meant the same. I mean they both rhyme, right? Just kidding. It wasn’t until I started working in customer service that I had a deeper understanding of each one. Let’s be honest, it can be overwhelming dealing with customers every single day and sometimes what they are going through may not necessarily appeal to your ears. You sit there listening to endless sob stories and wonder, “when will you shut up?!” all the while giving a half way attempt of sounding sincere and apologizing for their misfortune. You try your best to be as polite as possible, but even through the “I’m sorry’s”, “That’s horrible” and “I hate that happened to you” you feel disconnected from the whole conversation.
Why can’t you connect with them? Well, to answer your question, it’s a lack of empathy that is holding you back. Don’t worry, I’ll explain here in a few what I mean. Today, I watched a YouTube video about “Empathy vs. Sympathy” by Brene Brown, where she explained the differences and I must say, I was intrigued. She explained how empathy “fuels connection” while sympathy “drives disconnection”. Empathy is about making a connection with someone, not just about saying “I’m sorry” or understanding the “why’s” of the person’s emotions. When you empathize with someone you look at the situation from their perspective. You put yourself in their shoes and by doing that you have no room to judge them. Also, it allows you to recognize that person’s emotion and it gives you an opportunity to connect with it. For example: a person is having a hard time dealing with isolation during the pandemic and can’t see their family. Instead of you saying, “I’m sorry you feel so lonely!” You could say, “It definitely has been difficult being quarantined and not being able to see our families. I miss mine so much! I know exactly how you feel! We will get through this!”
Sympathy, on the other hand, would not be as heartfelt, it’s more of understanding that person’s emotion without connecting to it. It would sound more like, “I’m sorry you feel that way”. I know personally, I’ve had people respond like that in the past. It makes you feel unimportant and that what you’re going through has been cast aside with all the other sad stories! You feel like all that person wants to do is hurry up and get you off of their phone! It may not always happen when your are conducting business, it could also be in your day to day life conversing with family or friends. When I hear the word sympathy, it makes me think about those Hallmark cards you get when someone passes away. It’s more of a generic reply to a bad situation instead of a heartfelt, “I hate to hear about the pain you are going through, I’ve recently lost some relatives this year and I’m still grieving them as well” sort of response.
I’m not saying using sympathy is a bad thing by any means, but if you want to connect more with family, friends, or customers, practice using empathy by remembering this acronym “Emotionally Making a Personal Attachment Through Hearing You”.
Uninterrupted Thoughts 