Heart Problems

I know it’s been awhile since my last post, but don’t think that I ran out of things to talk about. I’ve been busy with work, family, personal things and getting everything together for my business. I know this title probably made a few of you pause and really tune in to what I’m about to say. Yes, I’m going to talk about “heart problems”, but not the physical ones. You see, I knew that this post would make some of you wonder about what condition I’m in, but thankfully my health is good! Today, I decided to go to church in person. It’s been awhile since I’ve actually been able to connect with people in a building instead of through an online service. I’m not sure about your preference, but for me, it was a different kind of feeling. I woke up rather early this morning and made up my mind that I was going to spend a day with myself. Today would be a day for Alicia. No husband, children, family, friends or even the dog would get in my way! I decided to go to church alone, yes I said it, “ALONE”! I’ll pause for a minute to allow some of you to gasp, wag your finger at the screen or make a judgmental comment.

Was that enough time? Okay, back to the story. I knew that I was hoping for something today: peace, fresh air, or maybe even space, but I had to get away to find it. Now, it’s not to say that my family or home doesn’t bring me peace, but I needed a mental break from the chaos of life. Busy work week, the constant need of my time and services from others and simply school starting back with the great demands of EVERYTHING! Cry me a river right? Poor Alicia feeling the weight of the normal everyday life that we humans face everyday. When I arrived at church one of the attendants asked how many were with me and I quickly said, “one”. He asked me where I would prefer to sit and I told him that it didn’t matter. To be honest, I was just glad to be in the house of the Lord and feel His presence. The attendant led me to the front row and asked if that was okay, I politely said “yes” and he walked away. Now at this time the worship music was playing, but I didn’t really know that particular song. I looked at the projector and started singing along and trying to prepare my mind for worship. At first, it was an uncomfortable feeling because for one, it’s been awhile since I attended church in person and two, I was singing an unfamiliar song. I decided to let go and embrace that moment. I started concentrating on the lyrics and what they were saying, “Lord, I know my heart wants more of you. My heart wants something new. So I surrender all!”. In that moment, tears started streaming down my face. I mean, I literally stopped singing because I was crying so hard. Those very lyrics pierced me to my core! That’s when I realized this is what I truly wanted! Something new, more of him!

Now that was just the beginning of an awakening soon to be unfolded in front of my eyes. Next, comes the preacher and he starts talking about being “Beyond Ourselves”. I thought that was such a unique topic and maybe the opposite of what I was thinking this morning. I wanted to be within myself, deep in my own thoughts, isolated and unbothered. He goes on to share the message about how we, as a people, get so caught up in the chaos of life or our mess and want to escape from it. Often times we complain, comment or chastise situations or people suffering, but aren’t doing anything about it. How many times have we seen something “bother” us to the point where we post about it, but it doesn’t go farther than a four or five paragraph post? What good did that do for the individual suffering or the situation? How many times have we asked someone how they are doing, but truly didn’t care about HOW they were doing? I know I’ve been guilty of that many times and I’m sure I’m not alone. This is where the “heart problems” comes in. We have become so disconnected from things around us, people suffering, or the burdens of life that we don’t have the “heart” to try to help. The preacher talked about how if you want to find your purpose or figure out what your passion is, focus on the things that bother you or really tug at your heart strings. There awaits your PURPOSE! Quit allowing your “heart problems” to deaden you to the purpose of life! We were all put here to love, serve, heal and help one another not to hate, disrespect, belittle or harm. Even though I wanted to escape my surroundings, I still had a purpose in the midst of it all! Now, of course I still needed time to myself and to regroup, but that doesn’t mean that I should abandon those who need me the most! It made me really reflect on myself and the condition of my heart. I have the opportunity to truly make a difference in people’s lives. Not just something for me to talk about and give a half-hearted response to their circumstances. Let’s take a moment to check the condition of our hearts. If it bothers us to the point of talking about it, posting about it, or it pulls at our heart strings, then let’s start taking action and DO something about it!