When Love Hurts

Love is a four letter word that holds so much power. Some people kill for it, some people steal for it, and some even die for it. Love is something that most people yearn for. Look at all of the Disney movies that exploit it to gain profit. The young princess falls in love with her “prince charming”, gets married and lives “happily ever after”. As young girls and boys watch these movies, fairytale-like fantasies are embedded in their minds. They learn at a young age that love is important. As they grow older, they quickly learn that love is not some fairytale where you live “happily ever after.” In fact, it’s quite the opposite! They quickly realize after their first heartbreak that love actually kind of hurts!

I remember my first heartbreak and how it emotionally scarred me. The mere thought of being cheated on and feeling like I wasn’t enough was devastating, but in reality, he was just a jerk! I’ve learned throughout the years that love is not a walk in the park. There is no “prince charming” fighting dragons and rushing up a tower to come save me. I learned that I would not be woken up out of a deep sleep with a gentle kiss from my “knight in shining armor”. I quickly learned about what I “thought” was love with a firm hand wrapped around my throat. Instead of a sweet tender kiss, I got a hard fist against my jaw. No sooner than it started my whole world came crashing down. Those once “I love you’s” turned to “I hate you’s”. My ex, who I thought I was in love with was just a “wolf disguised in sheep clothing”. I thought that if I just stayed and loved him harder that he would change. I never thought that the same hand that was supposed to protect me would be the very one that would hurt me. I was so emotionally disconnected from reality that at one point, I thought it was my fault. I felt sorry for him because of his horrible upbringing. I use to make excuses for his aggression and angry outburst, but I didn’t realize at the time that kind of behavior was NOT okay!

There are so many cases of domestic violence around the world, and no it’s not just women who experience it, but men as well! Domestic violence is not always physical, it can also be sexual, emotional, economical, and psychological as well. This has been an ongoing issue for centuries. Some people are in an abusive relationship or household at this very moment and aren’t even aware of it! You may say, “I don’t walk around with black eyes or busted lips!”, but it may be affecting you internally. Mental abuse is basically insults, verbal attacks or put-downs. It can also be nonverbal such as threatening facial expressions, gestures, and body postures. Psychological abuse is economic or social control such as: economic deprivation, controlling the victim’s money, preventing the victim from seeing family and friends, sabotaging the victims social relationships, and isolating the victim from social contacts. Sexual abuse is undesired or forceful behavior or molestation. I can’t begin to tell you how many women and men I know personally that have fallen victim to sexual abuse as well!

I’ve had all forms of abuse done to me, but I wasn’t aware of some of them until I got out of my toxic relationship! I stayed for almost eight years before I had enough courage to leave. I was at my wits end and decided that I, nor my children, deserved to go through this trauma! There was nothing my parents, siblings, friends or anyone else could say to make me leave until I was good and ready to. Once I mustered up the courage to leave him, I never looked back. I don’t know how many times I could’ve been one of those domestic violence cases that ended tragically! No one deserves to be mistreated especially by the person that claims they love you. I don’t know what you are personally going through, but if the kind of love you are experiencing results in: depression, feelings of unworthiness, insults, emotional trauma, financial insecurity, unwanted sexual molestation/abuse, bruises, trips to the hospital, or near death encounters then that’s definitely not love! You need to find an exit route ASAP! In order to leave, you must first be willing and ready because if you’re not, you’ll just go back to your abuser. Also, you have to believe that a better life outside of your relationship is possible! I learned quickly that my children and I could make it without him. I didn’t want to be another statistic and leave my children motherless. I had a wonderful support team from my family and friends that helped make our transition easier. If you don’t have family or friends to help, there are hotlines and/or local resources in the community available. Please don’t wait until it’s too late! Remember, “love heals not hurts!”