Never Let Them See You Sweat

What could I possibly have to talk about today? The irony of this blog in the middle of June in Texas, right? Well, I’m not referring to physically sweating, although what I’m about to share with you literally had me drenched in sweat, so here goes! Sunday I was invited out for my very first paid event. I received a phone call on Thursday evening a few days prior to the event and was asked to do spoken word for a birthday cookout. Now, imagine my excitement because I was about to get paid to do what I love, POETRY! Who wouldn’t be excited about getting paid to do something that they love? I asked the host what kind of poem she wanted me to do and she told me to speak about unity, bonding, or being together as a family. I mean, how fitting for such a wonderful event? Of course, I looked through my catalog of poetry to see if I had anything close to what was being requested, but I did not! Okay, no worries, no sweat off of my back (how funny to say this now, but just wait for it) so I decided to come up with a poem. Now mind you, this is on Friday that I started writing AND finished this poem. I went over it I know at least forty times between Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Well, the day of the event gets here and I get dressed while practicing some more. I literally had the whole poem down and was ready to showcase to this family what I had prepared for them.

My husband and I arrived to the event and greeted the family. The host asked if I would like a bottle of water and I happily accepted. She then asked if I would like to get started and I said yes. Now it was show time! I began to recite my poem just the way that I had rehearsed. I made eye contact with everyone and spoke loudly because they were really going to relate to what I was saying, right? Well, I’m three quarters of the way through my poem, the finish line was literally a few short lines away and all of a sudden I draw a blank! At this point I’m panicking, sweat starts dripping down my face and I try to say some words that I think are the next line, but it wasn’t making any sense! Embarrassment starts pooling through my pores and my heart is racing a mile a minute! Why can’t I think right now? I apologize and tell the audience I’m going to start over because this is definitely not me. I mean everyone is so supportive and telling me to stop apologizing. My husband is filming me in the midst of it all and all I can think about is how foolish I must look. He even let the audience know that I wrote this poem in one day and tried to memorize it on short notice. I start over, go through the same lines as rehearsed, get to the last few lines and forget AGAIN! This time I’m profusely sweating because everything that I had feared was happening AGAIN! I apologize some more, but by this time people are looking at me like “what are you doing?” (well at least in my head I felt that way). I decide to pull out my phone because of course I have it saved through my Evernote app and I breeze through it with no trouble. I receive an applause partly out of pity, I assume, but nonetheless I finish. I decide at that moment to make up for my poor performance and recite two poems I had written a few years ago. I nail those two and a few people in the audience asks, “how do you memorize those poems like that?!”. That made me feel good because soon they had forgotten about the previous disaster, or at least I hoped they did!

I will never forget in the midst of the first mishap the chef, who was recording me at the time told me, “It’s okay you’re doing good. Your poem is giving me goosebumps”. The host also told me to never apologize and that “now is the time to mess up because you’re with family!”. She also told me that the poem made her reminisce about back in the day hanging out at grandma’s house! At least that was an accomplishment, bringing back those memories of how we use to hang out at grandma’s house after church on Sunday. They knew it was my first paid gig and they definitely offered me a lot of grace! The host paid me for the event and my husband and I were on our way out when the chef ran up to me and asked for my business card. After I handed him my card, he talked to me and told me how talented I truly was and that I should never let the crowd know I messed up. He told me that even if I had stopped my poem right where I had forgotten my lines, the audience would’ve never known because I was in control. I command the room! He told me, “when you run your own business never think about the problem only solutions!” Those words of wisdom are something that I will always remember! Once we got into the car, I started crying because I was so angry at myself for my poor performance. My husband said to me, “Why are you crying? You did good! Who cares that you messed up, you killed those other two poems AND got paid for it!”. At that point, I had to really reflect on what just happened. Yeah, I bombed the first performance, but I redeemed myself by reciting two other ones and still left with more money than I came with! Why WAS I crying? I shared all of this with you to tell you that in life you WILL mess up, forget things, embarrass yourself, or fall short, but “Never let them see you sweat!”. Dust yourself off, pick yourself up and keep moving forward! It will get better and you can use those failures or mistakes as a learning opportunity to better yourself! I know I am and I can only go up from here!

I Miss Sundays by Alicia S. Azahar

I miss Sundays after church when my family would get together,
Fried chicken, cornbread and cabbage with bell peppers,
I couldn’t wait until Sunday to see all of my cousins,
The smell of granny’s peach cobbler baking in the oven,
Granny’s house was the spot for us all to hang out,
Dominoes slapping on the table as us kids ran about,
Our aunts in the kitchen making us a plate,
Sneaky hands grabbing bits of granny’s pound cake,
Scarfing down food so we can go outside and play,
Volleyball was the highlight of our entire day,
Joking with one another, laughter all around,
Basketballs bouncing all over the ground,
Whatever happened to Sundays at granny’s house?,
Nowadays it seems like no one wants to come out,
Except at funerals, weddings or when someone gets ill,
I miss sitting as a family and praying before meals,
We’ve all gone our separate ways, no sense of community,
Granny’s house is what kept us all in unity,
We need to get back together like we use to before,
Greetings passed all around as we walked through the door,
Granny’s house was the heart of all of our get togethers,
Fish fry’s, barbecues, nothing seemed better,
Elders sharing stories from back in the day,
Family secrets being told while sending nosy kids away,
Sundays at granny’s house was like a reunion each week,
Passing out hugs and giving kisses on the cheek,
I miss Sundays after church when my family would get together,
A life time of memories that I’ll always treasure!