Uninterrupted Thoughts

It’s evident how gadgets and computers are more prominent in our homes than ever before. Kids from as early as 2 to 10 years of age have their own tablets or cellphones. I didn’t get my first cellphone until I graduated from high school. Nowadays, kids are so addicted to these phones, tablets and video games, that outdoors is becoming obsolete. What happened to society?Growing up, being outside was the place to be, not being cooped up in your bedroom glued to the television or tablet. Hopscotch, kickball, jump rope, racing, tag, hide and go seek were so much fun to play. Even riding your bike down the block with neighborhood friends was so full of adventure and fun!

Now that has all been replaced with PlayStations, Xbox, Nintendo Wii, iPhones, and tablets. Since when did sitting in the house for hours glued to a game controller become more fun than going outside to play with your friends? Instead of meeting your friends outside it changed to joining your friends online to engage in battle. We wonder why the rate of child obesity has gone up, but the truth is instead of going outside and getting exercise kids are trapped indoors hypnotized by video games and electronics.

It’s not their fault that they are being programmed that way, it’s us as parents who are failing them. Playing outdoors use to be so full of adventure and wonder, but now it’s viewed as boring. I used to cry if my parents told me that I couldn’t go play outside, being indoors was torture and felt like prison! Our children are turning into zombies and are losing their sense of imagination! They don’t have to create characters or different adventures because technology is doing it for them! Kids don’t know how to be creative anymore and that’s a dangerous reality to uncover.

Think about the endless possibilities of what our children could create or invent by using their imaginations! Not only will kids become more creative by putting down the controller, but they will also get exercise by going outside and playing. They will learn social skills, develop self-expression, learn how to problem solve, embrace their own uniqueness and diversity and will be able to thrive in an environment not suppressed by isolation! Do your children a favor and encourage them to go outside and play! Trust me, they may not like it now but they will appreciate it later! In the words of Mary Lou Cook, “Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.”

This has always been one of my favorite Disney movies. The fact that someone as beautiful as Belle could fall in love with a hideous beast, proves that beauty is more than skin deep. It’s crazy how society has programmed our minds into what is acceptable as beautiful and what is not! We look at all of these famous people on the internet or magazine with perfect hair, face, teeth, and bodies, and are made to believe that this is how everyone should look! They may not come out and say it directly, but we are fed subliminal messages daily.

Whether it’s on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat the constant praise, attention, and admiration these people get can almost make you feel unworthy in a world full of perfect people. Let’s be honest though, how many of these celebrities have fooled us into thinking that “perfect round butt, full lips, pearly white straight teeth, tiny waist, and long hair” is theirs? We later are informed that they had plastic surgery, fillers, or liposuction to help them achieve that perfect look! What does that do for a world full of followers who were led to believe their idol was picture perfect?

Think about the message it sends to young girls and boys who suffer from low self-esteem. Is it a sad reality to believe that those same “gods and goddess”, those “body goals” celebs also suffer from low self-esteem? Why would I say that? Think about the pressure they must feel to have to look perfect all of the time. They have a certain image to uphold, and God forbid that they get caught being normal. I learned throughout the years that even the most beautiful woman or the most handsome man struggles with insecurities.

The fact is that no one is perfect! No matter how much make up, jewelry, clothes, or muscles you have true beauty is from within. If you have an ugly heart or treat people bad, then that makes you one of the ugliest people in the world! Beauty fades as time has proven to us again and again, but only the beauty within will remain! Do yourself a favor and love the body you were given because you only get one!

I’m pretty sure you are sitting behind your computer screen wondering what I mean. How many of you have ever told someone “no”, but it seemed like your response fell on deaf ears? Whether it was telling the “drunk overly aggressive” jerk at the bar “no” to his persistent request to have your number, or “no” to your whining children at the grocery store begging for a toy or candy, sometimes saying “no” just doesn’t do the trick!

With each scenario you may have experienced saying “no” almost seems to trigger some invisible force within the opponent to challenge your firm disposition despite your finality. You hear so many stories about people telling someone “no” and depending on the other party that person may or may not walk away with repercussions. What happened to people respecting your wishes and taking the highroad?

It seems as though the mere thought of rejection strikes people as unacceptable. I was put through a situation at my former job regarding me applying for a training position. I was approached by a particular person who thought I would be a great fit, but I politely declined. I thought my decision would have been respected and I would be left alone, but little did I know that same person approached me the very next day and this time ‘told me’ that I was applying. I became silent and internally tried to process what just happened. “Did they not hear me the first time?” or “Did I not say no firmly enough?” The situation resulted in me sharing some insight on my personal life and finally the person backed down. But should it have even came to that point?

Why did it take for me to share my personal life for my “no” to be heard? It almost seems like a form of mental abuse for someone to ignore your reply and continue to pressure you. Now there are certain situations where saying “no” could potentially harm you, and by all means I hope someone could persuade you to change your mind. The situations I have in mind are the ones where no harm or potential threat was imposing on your life. It’s your right to say “no” and you should never have to feel like you owe someone an explanation for your decisions. A wise man once said, “I refuse to please others at the expense of my emotional well-being. Even if it means saying no to some people who are use to hearing yes!”

Have you ever been stuck in the middle of an aisle holding an item comparing it to another? In one hand you have a brand product and in the other you have the generic. You were left with the question, “is brand truly better?” I’m sure at some point we’ve all had that dilemma. I know many times I’ve been forced to choose between the two! Having a family with two children makes budgeting a top priority when it comes to groceries. “Should I buy Prego for $1.99 or Great Value for $1.50?”, has been constant questions throughout my parenthood.

Some people think that simply because it’s a brand name it’s going to taste better or have better quality than the storebrand. That may be true in some instances, but I have found to adapt to the taste of offbrand products. A little extra spice, salt, or flavor will enhance the “lack there of” of generic products, I’ve come to find out. What about designer clothes? I for one, rarely shop for high priced clothes due to my tight budget. I find myself happily picking away at the unorganized racks of clothes at Ross looking for the perfect date night dress, work clothes, or summer outfits.

So the real question arises, “do people know the difference between designer and brand products or brand and generic?” Could you walk down the street and confidently pick or point out a person wearing designer clothes without the labels attached? I know that I couldn’t because at the end of the day people truly don’t care about that stuff. When you see someone dress nice, do you compliment the label or how it looks on them? I remember growing up, my dad had bought me some Pro-wings from Payless and I proudly wore them to school.

One of my classmates complimented me on my shoes and mistook them for Nikes. I kindly corrected him and told him that they were actually Pro-wings and he looked shocked. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “he thought they were a top brand shoe!” You would be correct to think that way, but the obvious point that you missed is that the shoes were very nice and looked similar to a well-known brand shoe. I could’ve easily lied and told him that they were Nikes, but I didn’t have anything to be ashamed of. It’s your money and business whatever you choose to do! Whether you like designer, name brand, or store brand items buy what makes you happy! Just remember, the labels don’t make us, we make the labels!

This is a daily struggle for most people. Whether it’s buying that new Calvin Klein shirt for $40 at the mall or using that same $40 to buy several shirts at Ross, everyone at some point was left with a tough decision. It doesn’t have to necessarily be with clothes, food, or material things. What about the quality of time versus the quantity of time spent with family or your significant other? If you are confused about the two terms, I’ll explain. Quantity time is the amount of time spent between two people. Quality time is the undivided attention between two people that is expected to produce positive interactions.

How many of you were left conflicted with the thought of whether or not you spend enough time with the ones you hold so dear? I know I have been left with the same guilty feeling that I’m sure a lot of you have felt on a daily basis. When it comes to raising a family or even marriage what exactly is the correct answer to how much time we should spend with them? To be honest, there is not really a set number I can give you because everyone’s situation may be different. Which brings me to the fact that it’s not about the amount of time you spend with someone, but more the quality of time spent.

I say that because I’ve been in that situation before. For instance, I’ve been off on a Saturday at home with my children, but not once did I play with them or even try to interact with them besides saying “good morning” or occasionally bumping into them in the kitchen to make lunch or get a snack. Another example is watching television with them all day, but not interacting with them. You may say, “yeah, but you’re at home with them at least watching a show together!” True, but the fact is I am allowing the television to take over what I should be doing: educating them, playing catch, hide and seek, talking to them, and showing them how much I truly love them.

Quality time definitely trumps quantity. It’s about making the best of every situation! Maximizing the little time you may have with your loved ones, making those moments count. Getting to know them intimately. That is what life is really about! Everyone has the same 24 hours a day, but what you do with your time will determine how far you go. If you want to know another way to spell love, it’s TIME! People will eventually forget about the money you spent on them, but they will never forget about the time you spent with them. Quit wasting those valuable minutes on things that are not important and spend time with the ones you love!

This was a saying growing up which basically meant, the darker the fruit is the more ripe it will be resulting in a sweeter flavor. Tupac Shakur also rapped this in one of his songs, “Some say the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice.” I say, the darker the flesh, the deeper the roots.” It is also a popular statement among the black community in reference to someone’s skin tone. I used to hear people use this term especially when someone was being made fun of for their darker skin color. Why is it such a big deal? I’ve always found the beauty in all shades.

Unfortunately, the epidemic of colorism is not going anywhere anytime soon. I’ve grown up and watched how people with a lighter skin tone were treated differently than people with darker skin. I’m not even just talking about racism, but the mere fact that colorism exist as well! I know some of you may be confused about the term, but colorism is a form of prejudice or discrimination usually from members of the same race, in which people are treated differently based on the social implications from cultural meanings attached to skin color. Yes, you heard it right, it can and does exist within the same ethnic or racial group!

I know it’s true because I have witnessed on several occasions throughout my life numerous incidents. I remember one in particular when I was at the grocery store with my children. My son is a honey caramel complexion and my daughter is a dark chocolate complexion. I remember a woman standing behind us in line coming up to me and start admiring how handsome my son was and even went as far as to compliment his “good hair” and “nice complexion.” Now, I know what you’re thinking, “well she was just admiring your adorable baby boy”, but it’s deeper than that. The fact that she had to mention his skin tone in the first place was unnecessary. My four year old daughter picked up on that and being that this was not the first time someone did that in front of her while totally ignoring her existence compelled her to ask me, “why does everyone always say that about Kai and not to me?” This broke my heart! That seed of colorism was planted at such a young age in my daughter and has caused her to have a complex to this day.

I’ve also heard comments throughout my life where someone would say to me, “you’re pretty for a dark skinned woman!”. This was from someone who was also black. The sad part is that the person who said this to me was about my shade if not darker! As if dark skinned women aren’t beautiful! Must I name a few? Lopita Nyong’o, Kelly Rowland, Lauryn Hill, Gabrielle Union, Tika Sumpter, Issa Rae, Brandy Norwood, and more! Lighter skin has been the existing beauty standard for so long and it has created a deep insecurity within darker skinned people. Now it’s not just darker skinned people who have experienced issues, I’ve seen the opposite with lighter skinned people as well. I’ve also witnessed lighter skinned people looked down on as “not being black enough”and so forth. It seems as though the shade of your skin gives you preferential treatment depending on what spectrum you’re on. If you are a lighter shade you tend to be viewed as: poised, educated, well-spoken, polite, non-aggressive, approachable and so forth. If you are a darker shade, people tend to view you as: aggressive, loud, unapproachable, uneducated, not well spoken, and etc.

If you are curious if you have ever experienced colorism or treated someone differently because of their shade, take a moment to think about past situations and if you were more partial to someone because of the shade of their skin. Have you ever thought negatively about someone because their shade of skin was darker or prejudged them before getting to know them and vice versa? If so, then you have your answer! No matter what race your are or the color of your skin, it’s all beautiful! No one is better or less than the other. We’ve got to do better for our children, our community, and ourselves because if we don’t see the worth in one another despite the differences in the shade of our skin how do we expect the world to?

I’m sure you’re familiar with the term “open minded ” and some of you may even have a negative view on just exactly what that saying means. In fact, I use to be one of the few or many who thought that term opened up Pandora’s box to a world unknown. Some people believe that if you are open minded it allows someone the opportunity to warp your mind into their beliefs or views. That’s understandable due to the fact that the majority of us hold our own views and beliefs to a higher standard. If you don’t believe me look at the world around you and observe all of the division.

Not to get into politics, but there is a reason we have different parties. There’s also different religions in the list goes on and on. It’s in our human nature to want to be right or at least side with the ones who share our same views. What if I told you that you could still hold onto your beliefs and still be open minded to other ideas? “How can I do that?” you ask. Well it’s quite simple. All you have to do is be open to consider new ideas, being absolutely unprejudiced in your interactions with others. I’m speaking from experience and I have actually learned new things from the other party. It didn’t necessarily sway me to the opposite side, but it did bring light into some dark areas and allow me to blend some new ideas.

Now I’m not telling you to be open minded to something that could potentially harm you or others, that’s not my intentions at all. I’m just trying to enlighten you to the possibilities of a healthy conversation with others that could improve your life. I had an in-depth conversation with one of my customers that started out a little hostile at first, but after listening to my customer, my wall came down and I actually learned a lot from him! Had I been close minded and kept my wall up, I wouldn’t have learned anything from our conversation or been able to find new ways to help my family.

After our conversation, he even thanked me for being open minded and listening to his views. It made me feel good to actually allow someone the opportunity to enlighten me without getting into a heated argument! I was able to walk away from that conversation with my beliefs still intact and with a different outlook on some very important issues. You don’t always have to agree with someone else’s ideas, but it is okay to listen to them and allow yourself the opportunity to understand where they are coming from. You can really learn a lot about a person if you take the time to just listen to them! In the words of Frank Zappa, “a mind is like a parachute it doesn’t work if it’s not open!”

Recently, I had a conversation with my older sister about life and how I believe that my afflictions are rooted in past rejections. Things that I didn’t realize until I was an adult that steered my decisions in life. Rejections that triggered insecurities, unforgiveness, doubts, and distrust. I didn’t think that all of these issues could’ve stemmed from something as small as rejection.

My sister introduced me to this YouTube video hosted by Jia Jiang called “100 days of Rejection.” In this video, he shares a story about him being six years old and facing rejection in school. He talked about how that six-year-old boy still lived inside of him when he became an adult and it affected his life. He decided to seek help with his issue of rejection and started researching. He came up with the idea of documenting and recording himself for 100 days being rejected by strangers.

He made up different tasks each day and noticed that at first he ran and got embarrassed when he was rejected, but after awhile he stayed and talked to the person rejecting him. He stayed engaged and even mentioned doubts that the person might’ve had about the situation and noticed that they were more liable to being more receptive by acknowledging the doubt both parties felt. He began to embrace rejection instead of running from it.

This video really touched my heart and helped me to realize that rejection doesn’t have to be a stigma of failure. It could actually empower you and the other person by opening up a dialogue and shedding light on the uncertainties of the situation. Rejection is often times viewed as negative in today’s society, but it could actually be used for a positive outcome. Being rejected can in-turn: motivate us to do better, remind us we’re human, teach patience, cause us to explore different paths, aid in self evaluation, re-prioritize our goals, and create opportunities for change. We can overcome rejection and transform it into acceptance. In the words of Jia Jiang, “people who change the world were often met with initial violent rejection.”

I’m sure you’re wondering about what the unexpected is or how this topic applies to your life specifically. Well think of it this way, did you ever play sports, participate in band, or any activity that required you to practice often? You may be more familiar with the saying “stay ready so you don’t have to get ready”. This mantra holds true and could help add value to your life. I ran into a situation not that long ago where I didn’t adhere to these words. I was at an event hosted by my father and I was requested to recite a poem.

In case you didn’t know, I write poetry and aspire to be a poet and author one day. I prepared myself days before so that I could recite my poem verbatim. I never liked looking down at a piece of paper to help me speak to an audience. So the day comes for the event, I get called on stage, I perform and walk off stage. Unbeknownst to me, I got called on stage later on during the event to recite another poem, but I had only prepared for one. Let’s just say I bombed that performance and walked off stage embarrassed!

Had I prepared myself to do another one just in case I was called on again, I wouldn’t have had to to do the walk of shame while exiting stage left. I know what you’re thinking, “but you didn’t know you were going to be asked again!”. You would be correct in thinking those exact thoughts, but one important part you just said is “you didn’t know!”. Which brings me to shed light on the urgency of my topic! If I had not only prepared for my original poem, but also a second one, just in case I was called upon again, I wouldn’t have gone through the embarrassment in the first place!

You still may be wondering how this applies to your life. It’s simple, whether it’s for a test, game, job interview, speech, or event always stay prepared! Think about how much more of an advantage you will have if you prepare! Even during hurricane season some people prepare by stocking up on water, food, batteries, gas, medical supplies, tools and etc. You don’t know what the storms of life may bring but you can always equip yourself to deal with the aftermath. Like a wise man once told me, “never plan but always prepare!”

I’m sure you’re familiar with the boiling point if you have ever taken chemistry. This term is in reference to the temperature: meaning the vapor pressure of a liquid equals the external pressure surrounding the liquid. When some people think of the boiling point they symbolize it with their attitude. How much can one person take before they explode?

I’m sure you may even be familiar with certain foods you can put inside boiling water and depending on what it’s made of, the water will cause it to chemically react in a certain way. Take an egg for instance, if you boil it you notice that the shell will harden and the inside turns solid. If you boil a potato it will soften, and if you’re like me you’ll mix butter, milk, salt, and pepper to make some delicious mashed potatoes. Or if you mix coffee with boiling water, the coffee will actually change the water enabling you to enjoy a piping hot cup of coffee!

With these three examples, it makes me look at them as a symbolism to which kind of person I am. Am I like the potato? When life starts to get a little difficult, does the circumstances cause me to soften and become weak allowing the situations to crush and defeat me? Or what about the egg? Do I allow situations in life that are difficult to harden me, causing me to be bitter and then eventually crack under pressure? How about the coffee? No matter how tough life gets or how difficult the situation, will I be able to withstand and actually change my circumstances instead of allowing them to change me?

If you noticed, the coffee is the only one that actually adapts to the heat in liquid and changes the water. I know that life isn’t easy and there are certain situations that make us bitter, sad, angry or regretful, but it’s what we do after that initial reaction that sets the tone of the outcome. I know that there has been times in my life that I allowed situations to get the best of me, but with each situation it was a learning experience. Life isn’t perfect and neither are we. With each day that we are given it’s like a restart button we are gifted. I don’t care what happened yesterday, because we can’t go back and restart that day, but we do have today to make a change! Don’t let life weaken you and harden your heart; instead be like coffee and adapt to the change!