Are You Triggered?

This one really hits home for me because I’m sure for those of you who have experienced any kind of trauma, different situations in life can trigger you. I’m going to even go as far as saying different sounds, unwelcome touches, smells, foods and songs all have been triggers for me. Now of course not all of them are bad, you can actually have positive ones as well. I remember my very first kiss, I was sitting in the car of this guy I was dating and the song “Differences” by Ginuwine was playing in the background. “My whole life has changed, since you came in I knew back then, you were that special one. I’m so in love, so deep in love“. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it, but years later although the guy and I were no longer dating, each time I heard those familiar lyrics it brought me back to that specific moment 20 years ago. That was a positive memory and the song was a good trigger, but I’ve had some negative ones as well.

I remember one day in particular, my husband was trying to be affectionate with me and came from behind me to give me a kiss and a hug, but I rejected his embrace. In that moment, I didn’t really understand or realize that I was being triggered by that harmless gesture. I mean, it was just my husband trying to love on his wife, but in my head I was being sexually assaulted. That familiar unwelcome touch brought me back to a time where a guy that I barely even knew did the same thing to me at a club and even went as far as putting his hands between my legs. I remember feeling disgusted and angry because I didn’t give him permission to touch me in that way! I can still see the look of surprise on his face when I elbowed him off of me and cursed him out for doing that! That specific memory still makes me cringe to this very day! The feeling of being violated was humiliating! I can honestly say that I do still tense up from time to time, but I had to realize that was one of my negative triggers and find a way to deal with it in a healthier manner. I’m glad I have an understanding husband who is patient with me.

There are so many different types of triggers from internal: anger, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, loneliness, pain, sadness, muscle tension, and memories tied to a traumatic event and external: arguing, certain times of day, sounds, changes or break ups in your relationship, significant dates, smells and specific locations. Sometimes you can react emotionally to something because of certain triggers before you even realize why you are upset. I’ve done this plenty of times in my life! Something that has helped me with coping with my triggers is to first know what they are. I can’t possibly try to manage them without recognizing what they are in the first place. I also talk to my husband or close family/friends about it as well. Having someone to talk to has really helped me throughout the years. Another coping mechanism is writing and working out. Anytime I feel tense or triggered I write it down or do a quick 30 minute workout. I’m not sure if this is your style of coping, but these are some good suggestions in case you decide to try them. In the words of Vienna Pharon, “Avoiding your triggers isn’t healing. Healing happens when you’re triggered and you’re able to move through the pain, the pattern and the story and walk your way to a different ending”.